In Poor Spirits
Photo by Ross Parmly
5/31/22
In poor spirits.
I’m on the plane right now.
It’s been a few days of this.
I find myself in a depressed/bad mood. Waiting for circumstances to change before I choose to feel better.
I guess sometimes we just feel like shit and that’s ok.
I’m scared all I’ve worked toward is going to disappear.
I’m scared of my success, too.
I’m scared of what I’ll create.
I’m scared to be bold, healed, strong, whole.
I’m scared to be the version of me that has everything she wants.
I’m scared to stop being so selfish and egotistical.
I’m scared to become more holy and surrendered.
I’m scared to become even more in integrity and authentic.
I’m horrified at all my potential.
I’m scared I’ll quit. Give into my excuses. Indulge too much.
And I’m equally scared that I won’t.
How would I change?
Who would I become?
What would it mean?
Everything around me would transform.
What do you do when you want to cry and nothing comes out?
Have I numbed myself?
Have I silenced both my angels and my demons?
