Self Love as the Cure All
Photo by Tim Mossholder
8/8/23
Dear future me:
Right now, your favorite rocks are tumbling (very loudly) in the downstairs bathroom.
You decided to switch back to drinking tea in the morning instead of coffee.
Sunnie girl is 8. years. old. and is still responsible for regulating about 40% of your nervous system. Her magical unconditional love works so, so hard for you.
(It’s still massive progress from the 95% she regulated when she was just a puppy)
You thrifted with your mom today and felt an incredible love for her as you watched her routinely walk up and down the aisles.
You almost slept straight through your first client call today because you accidentally fell back asleep after your alarm. But Steven thankfully woke you up.
(Lez be honest, you have never been a morning person)
The weight of this last year is slowly starting to lift off of you.
You still feel heavy, but ever so slightly lighter, too.
You remember the moment, the instance, that you allowed your practice of self love to be placed on the back burner and started running yourself ragged again with no real regard for your own experience.
You are tired indeed. Exhausted even.
But you know exactly why.
You chose to beat yourself up instead of accepting yourself unconditionally and putting your own well being first.
You tried to use all your limited energy to control the environment around you instead of intentionally and carefully controlling the way you address and approach yourself.
You thought the harsh inner critic would disappear if you just ignored her long enough—but she only got louder, meaner, and more out of control as the days passed.
You’re questioning it all now as a result.
What do I really want? Who the hell am I now?
You crave certainty in this state of ragged, exhausted fear.
But who you are and what you want is truly a contradiction.
You will never find a satisfying answer to those questions from a place of fear.
And you will NEVER locate a secure and long lasting sense of certainty (that is, until you die).
What you seek is in the inverse of it all.
What you REALLY want is to be OK within the UNCERTAINTY.
You want to love, accept and trust yourself DESPITE the fact that who you are is ever changing.
You will never be just ONE thing.
You are going to continue to change and evolve and grow into new versions of yourself.
You aren’t who you were last year.
And I promise you, you won’t be who you are now next year.
Stop waiting for certainty or solid answers on who you are.
Leave room for mystery, pleasant surprises, and infinite potential.
Don’t box yourself in to this tiny little box where it’s hard to breathe.
It is safe to let go of the exhaustion.
It is safe to move slower and softer as you navigate the unknown.
You don’t have to be in a place of certainty before you can move out of fear and into self love.
You’re allowed to feel uncertain, unknown, AND STILL love yourself fully right here and now.
It’s imperative.
Ellicia
P.S. I encourage you to write a letter TODAY to your future self. Give future you a time stamp. What is life like right now for you? What are you loving AND struggling with? How well are you loving yourself? Give it a try, let me know how it goes.
P.P.S. Go listen to today’s podcast episode on Self Love as the Cure All. It really really is. I talk about my journey in and out and back IN to self love again.
